In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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