the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Are we still banned from the library?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
