I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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