dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
