it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
