Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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