Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
