i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
