Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
