i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I FOUND THE LEGS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
