He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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