Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
