Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
