Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there was a trapeze. enough said
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
