you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
