I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
