The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
