Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
