dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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