Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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