You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
