So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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