His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Semen is not good for contacts.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
