grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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