we're blogging at a bar
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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