The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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