Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i came on her dog
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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