Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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