i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
