She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
