Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
