I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
