Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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