I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
