Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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