do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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