Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
