hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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