Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
