Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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