Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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