Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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