Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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