just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
