I just pynch a tree in the face
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
