Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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