my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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