this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
