That's intense
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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