i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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