Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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